I received an email recently from a dear childhood friend, one whom can relate to parts of their own childhood nightmares and realities that mirror my own. Many of these memories are resurrected from another time, especially the ones that we wish were not so memorable. They are brought to life to relive in a different light, a journey to complete what we missed earlier in life. He/she said it had started a healing process within, a feeling brought to the surface, “I know” that is hard to prepare a place for, but one that ultimately must be let go of. I certainly appreciate the words of kindness and am more than blessed to know that good still comes from the ashes of the Phoenix. The pandora’s box that I open sometimes exists in many who read my tales, my memoirs of an early life, a life of uncertainty and sometimes loneliness. Except that reliving those days leaves a heavy heart with lingering memories mixed with love/hate relationships, it allows us, (me) to compartmentalize and discard what Pandora thinks can still hurt me. You see, as you live, grow and finally at the near age of 60 understand that you are but one amongst millions who have helped to line the road to recovery from emotional abuse. You gradually realize that emotional abuse is often much worse than physical, although not minimized. As the years hurriedly pass by, the residue of these battle scars begins to fade. Not fading like a giant eraser has taken words that can never be unsaid, but the softening of deep, internal wounds, allowing one to be compassionate and feel empathy for those they see their past selves in. Instead of harboring a resentment force-field that repels forgiveness, these feelings of empathy and compassion allows us to exude a formidable ally within ourselves that carries hope to those who are less fortunate to have family or friends that freely give their strength for one to make another day. As I write these words without any form of outline, they still flow together in a story that says you are worth more than you have never been told many times. The oldest adage I can say I coined from growing up poor and without many amenities is this. “When I grow up, I will neither be cold in the winter or hot in the summer”. As life happened, this phrase became true. I knew from an early age that my life I had to live then was only temporary and through education many aspects of life will change. I am not a materialistic person as many who know me know this to be true. What this story says is that through lives like my own and yours my friend above, is that we did overcome what many thought would only be a continuance of the same. Adversaries can only make you bitter and unkind if we choose to own them, or them to own us. “This does not in any way mean my adult life has always been easy and that I have not made mistakes, or that I am a saint, for only God knows my story”. Owning those mistakes, seeking immediate forgiveness for them erases them from Pandora’s box. The question I beg to answer is this. Would I change anything about my childhood if I had the power to do so? Without a doubt that power does not exist for a child, but yes there would be changes made that would not have only affected myself and siblings, it would affect children across the globe. Unfortunately, the voice of a child is rarely heard or believed. All a child wants is a voice to say how they feel, say what is on their mind and be told the difference and steered in a direction of truth. Now my friends, pour a second cup of coffee and allow yourselves to feel anything you ever missed as a child and start letting go.
Copyright @coffeewithcharles.blog (Charles D. Grant)